Why soft skills are the key to success in today's world

March 19, 2023

It’s been a busy couple of weeks. I just wrapped up the second cohort of People-First Product Leadership. Great discussions, lots of learnings, and valuable feedback to weave in as I prepare for the next session in June. What stood out to me as I was going through the end of course surveys were the comments about my character - being approachable, warm, and welcoming. A majority were soft skills. ChatGPT defines soft skills as:

By purposefully creating an environment where people felt heard and able to participate, the course was more interactive and engaging. More learning was possible as everyone felt safe to share their voice - either out loud or in our FigJam exercises. Imagine the greater impact your team could have if everyone felt comfortable contributing?

Why don’t more companies encourage soft skills or what is also known as “positive leadership character”? Often there is a belief that character is only reflected in ethics or is innate and cannot be changed. Others perceive positive character as “soft” and lacking qualities which motivate superior performance. This thinking results in missing the micro-moments, small actions which have a big impact.

On a recent Culture Brand podcast hosted by Aga Bajer, Jessica Zwaan recommended thinking about your employees as “subscribers”. People “buy” into your product (company, you as a leader) when they join. Then, every day, they continue to subscribe - until the day they hand in their resignation or become demotivated (what has been termed “quiet quitting”). Through positive leadership character you help to encourage your employees to continue “subscribing”.

How do you create an environment where it is ok to speak up and responses are appreciated and forward-looking? It is not “soft” or “easy”. Nor is it simply “being nice”. Instead it calls for empathy, consideration and clarity. Welcome to today’s post.

What makes an employee loyal? You might think “big paycheck” or “fancy perks,” but a new piece from a group of researchers goes deep on the idea that authentic personal connections are what encourage good employees to stick around—and developing those relationships requires compassionate leadership.

I experienced the power of leading with compassion this past week. I’m not a fan of the spring forward. Running in the morning when it’s dark makes me question a lot of things, including why I got out of bed in the first place. I was chatting about this feeling with my direct reports during 1:1s. The sharing of a slice of my life led to a more open conversation and resulted in multiple thank you’s.

Instead of distancing yourself emotionally, leading with compassion can benefit your team. The article provides several practical ways to develop that skill. It also points out a critical distinction between compassion and another important skill that leaders need —> empathy. As the authors explain it: “Empathy is the sensing, feeling, detecting, and understanding component, but compassion goes beyond empathy by also taking responsive action. Think of it like this: empathy + action = compassion.”

Sound like “soft skills” - yep! Are you rethinking what it means to be a leader? Or, what in fact makes a leader effective?

Even though you may have encountered a selfish, aggressive, and/or manipulative leader, studies show such individuals are less likely to be promoted. Instead leaders who were generous and supportive were more likely to advance. The ask is not to be a pushover, instead it is to be authentic and treat people with respect and compassion - most likely as you would want (and expect) to be treated by leaders as well.

How to get started?

  • Start small - a Johns Hopkins study found that giving just 40 seconds of compassion can lower another person’s anxiety in a measurable way.

  • Be thankful - a University of Toronto study found there are an average of nine unique opportunities to be thankful everyday. Appreciate the small things.

  • Be purposeful - Instead of yes or no questions, query in an open ended way. For example, ask how you can support them, using not “if” but “how.” ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

  • Find common ground - Your influence is likely greater than you expect. Go outside your immediate circle, because at work, we’re all on the same team. ­­­­­­­­­­­­

  • See, and elevate, compassion - When an ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­employee goes “above and beyond” to help someone else, share and celebrate the collaboration.

  • Keep an open mind - Even though compassion may not come naturally to you, robust research shows change is possible. Embrace a growth mindset and remember we are all a work in progress.

For those of us who prefer diagrams, consider how you can move yourself and your team to the upper righthand quadrant - to wise compassion.

Soft skills reflect capabilities necessary to be a successful leader, such as encouragement, value, and engagement. Yet, labeling the qualities as "soft skills" downplays the value. Instead the article uses the phrase "leadership superpowers” - which I believe is a much better descriptor.

The history of soft skills dates back to the 1960s and was used to describe anything that did not require the use of machinery. Over the years, soft skills has been used to describe interpersonal skills or emotional IQ and other non-tangible characteristics often associated more with women and sadly seen as a weakness with men. For this and other reasons, leadership and recruitment experts recommend moving away from the term “soft skills” and instead repackaging the same underlying competencies in terms associated with success in the modern workplace.

  • People agility - knowing ourselves well and treating others constructively

  • Results agility - getting results under tough conditions

  • Mental agility - enabling comfort with ambiguity and having the ability to explain their thinking to others

  • Change agility - encouraging curiosity, liking to experiment with test cases, and having a passion for ideas.

As these are critical skills necessary for company growth, employers are more likely to support training for them just as they do for technical ones. The end result being leaders “who are flexible, resilient, and enduring.”

“The narrative around soft skills must change. Call them strong skills, brave skills, or leadership superpowers,” says Norman. “It takes courage and vulnerability to use these skills in the workplace, [and] doing so results in organizations in which employees feel valued, included, and engaged.”

Reflect back on the performance reviews you have given or received. What types of skills have been encouraged? Is there more you can be doing to bring to light the importance of a diverse set of “leadership superpowers”, including those previously known as “soft skills”?

Building on the prior article, leadership styles which are encouraging or empowered (to borrow from Marty Cagan) vs. critical or harsh creates an environment which is more conducive to receiving and adopting feedback. When one feels threatened by feedback, fight or flight kicks in and the overarching message is lost as one struggles to cope with (work) survival.

Feedback is important for personal and team development. Whereas radical candor can be interpreted as saying exactly what you feel without considering the impact or interpretation the message will have on the recipient, envisioning how you would react if you received a similar message enables a more empathetic delivery to occur.

It’s also important to remember feedback “always reflects an opinion, which makes effective delivery critical to how the feedback is received. Ensure the feedback is based in context and actionable, for example frame the follow up as an "experiment" (e.g. "next time try"). Also keep in mind that timing plays a role; sometimes encouragement can be a more effective approach if someone took on a big challenge.”

Factoring in the individual, scenario and timing of the feedback increases the likelihood of active listening and subsequent recall when similar situations arise in the future. To increase the chance of receptive delivery, the article recommends ensuring the following points can be checked off when providing feedback.

  • True (as much as is possible)

  • Non-trivial (i.e. it must actually matter)

  • Well intended

  • Solicited (i.e. permission must be sought to provide feedback)

  • Actionable, specific and precise

  • Timely (i.e delivered as soon as possible)

  • Private (unless explicit consent is given for it to be public)

  • Delivered from your perspective, not of others

  • Limited to only one or maximum of two points

  • Combined with positive encouragement

  • A conversation, not a statement (the recipient has the option to dispute or reject it)

  • A two-way street (the recipient may provide feedback in return)

  • Focussed on behaviours and performance, not personalities or style

The article advises to remember that as a manager everything you say has the possibility of being interpreted as feedback - even when you are simply reacting or saying something offhand.

When sharing an observation with my team, I always try to do so with a coaching mindset. I recall what motivates the individual and do my best to deliver the guidance in a way that encourages their positive behaviors and intent while helping to navigate through situations where improvement or changes would result in a better outcome. For these reasons the last paragraph truly resonated with me.

I also like to remember, it’s always ok to call upon a friend. Want to talk through a work scenario or reflect on the articles above, it’s ok to seek guidance from a peer, mentor, me or even bake bread. Doing so helps us to remember that we’re always learning and mistakes along the way are to be expected - and are signs of progress (see this prior post). Why?

“Because making a mistake is not enough. You have to recognize the mistake, understand why it’s a mistake, and figure out how to avoid it in the future. That’s where working with an experienced person at your side is so valuable.”

Have a great week!