Stress less, achieve more: tips to unleash your full potential

May 14, 2023

I recently attended a First Round Capital Fast Track event as I’m a mentor with the organization. Often I get stressed ahead of meet-ups. It can be tricky to come up with small talk in a group of people you don’t know. I’ve been impressed with the Fast Track program - and the event was extremely well orchestrated as well.

Upon entering the gathering, we picked up our name tags. On the back were suggested questions to ask each other. Stress about small talk - gone! The topics were reflective of the speaker’s book — Embrace the Power of You: Owning Your Identity at Work by Tricia Montalvo Timm. We used them to get to know each other and to get ready for the evening’s main event.

Here are the questions to try the next time you are with a group of people you don’t know and want to get to know better.

  • What’s one time management hack that you swear by?

  • What’s something you’ve learned about recently that you found interesting or an area you’re currently learning about that you’re excited about?

  • Do you think the “whole you” is showing up at work? If not, how much energy are you expending every day from your not showing up authentically at work?

  • What things about yourself do you downplay simply because you think you won’t fit in or that people will think lesser of you?

The rest of today’s articles continue the theme of stressing less, so you can achieve more.

Taken individually microstresses are manageable. They’re small niggles which cause you to cringe before moving on. When multiple microstresses add up, they can sap energy, damage physical and emotional health, and negatively impact overall well-being. Fortunately there is a way to manage microstress and “fight back”.

The authors were interviewing high performers and noticed a pattern when asking if there were times they were feeling out of control or being pushed in directions not aligned with who they set out to be.

I’m going to leap and say we are all familiar with stress in some way. It can be caused by a whole range of things. It’s big, and we know - and feel - when it happens. Because it is recognizable, we often have developed coping mechanisms.

Microstress isn’t obvious. Because small stressful events are flying under the radar, they do not trigger the same response mechanisms that more obvious stress generates. Unfortunately the microstress is still there, lodged in our brain, but the brain isn’t managing it because a regular stress indicator wasn’t perceived. “So microstresses accrue, one on top of another.”

I don’t want to cause any (further) microstress by continuing to describe microstress. Fortunately the article also provides some ways to manage microstress levels.

  • Push back on microstress in concrete, practical ways. 

    • Learn how to say no to small asks, technology notifications or interruptions, or relationships which put microstress on you.

  • Be attuned to the microstress you are causing others. 

    • Snap at someone; they inevitably snap back. When we put microstress onto others, it bounces back on us too. Putting out less microstress means we receive less too.

  • Rise above. 

    • Keep the bigger picture in mind. For example, try to let small annoyances just ‘roll off your back’ by having side projects you enjoy. For me, it’s my Maven course. Such activities help to provide a deeper sense of purpose, divert your focus away from microstress, and put you in a better frame of mind.

One thing that can definitely be stressful is sharing tough news. As leaders, we try our best to prevent negative events from occurring yet despite our best efforts, life can happen. Instead of putting off sharing the news or simply doing an ostrich and pretending nothing has changed, counter the stress through thoughtful delivery and appreciating time will be needed to fully grasp the news.

The author shares six principles to put forward information in a way that is responsible, honest, caring and patient. Can upon these steps to decrease your stress when a tricky situation arises.

  1. Don’t bury the lead - Hiding the news doesn’t help. Instead this (lack of a) tactic makes the situation worse. If you have something hard to say - say it in a way that demonstrates understanding and empathy (see #3 and #4).

  2. Pause - Once the news is out, people make be in shock and not fully grasp the impact immediately. Don’t feel the need to keep talking. Just pause. Allow people to absorb the news, then provide guidance on next steps.

  3. Offer understanding and take responsibility, but don’t expect agreement - As product leaders it’s very likely the phrase “disagree and commit” has come up. When sharing hard news, help your team understand the “why” but don’t expect them to celebrate your honesty.  

  4. Show empathy - Acknowledge the unease and emotions your team is feeling. Again reinforce “why” the decision was made and “why” now is the right time to do so. Help them understand “why” alternatives would not have produced a better, or different, outcome.

  5. End with openness - Invite individuals to come forward with questions. Offer an ask me anything (AMA) where questions are gathered ahead of time, responses provided and further questions put forward during the session. Share the Q&A as an ongoing reference.

  6. Prove it - Despite your best efforts and following the five steps above, trust will be rocky for awhile. Keep the virtual doors open. Being a successful team is not about always agreeing with one another. It’s about having ambitious goals as a team and working towards them together (reference).

Building on the prior article, showing up with empathy can help reduce the stress your team is feeling during times of change. One powerful way to show empathy is listening. Simply listening can allow both parties to “breathe” through microstress and diffuse tougher situations.

When one reads about listening, articles often mention active and passive listening modes. Active listening implies a response is provided which conveys you heard and understood what was being communicated. Passive listening does not involve a response. Both methods have pros and cons.

What stood out to me was the author’s combined approach - dashes of passive listening provide seasoning between more active listening behaviors. Here are the recommended steps:

  1. Get in the right mindset - In summary, you need to be present and prepared to listen completely. This means putting away distractions and potentially changing your environment to boost your mood (and decrease stress).

  2. Listen to understand, not to respond - Go beyond the words. Observe the individual’s non verbal clues to gain additional insight into their feelings and identify where your support is truly needed.

  3. Mirror what you just heard - Caught multitasking instead of listening? Instead take notes and use the information to summarize back with “I think you said….”, wrapping up with “Is that correct?”.

  4. Label emotions - When you summarize what you heard, don’t shy away from calling out the emotions as well. The speaker may not realize their body language is conveying which points are having the biggest impact on them.

  5. Follow up - Similar to “prove it” in the prior article, don’t leave the speaker wondering what is next. Share your appreciation for what you have heard and provide ways you can work together on next steps (further gaining trust).

Continuing with the theme of reducing stress and optimizing your team’s performance, we’ve learned that doing nothing is not the answer. NOBL has a catchier way of conveying this message - make noise, not make do.

Cultures that avoid conflict lead to both individual and collective detriment—change can only come when issues are out in the open.

You want to create an environment where people feel they can bring forward obstacles preventing progress. Some employees will take your invitation too far and simply complain or act in an unprofessional manner. Instead practice tips from the prior articles and encourage efforts which contribute to better outcomes.

Be clear, the goal is to not introduce more stress or go it alone. Instead bring your team together to share pain points. Such an exercise is called “Elephants, Dead Fish, and Vomit” and originates from Airbnb.

  1. List the elephants in the room. Capture the big issues that no one likes to talk about. 

  2. List the dead fish. Record the lingering issues or resentment that no matter what the cause, need to be addressed or people will continue to focus on the past.

  3. Identify what needs to be vomited out. Get out all those individual frustrations which just need to be voiced.

  4. Assess next steps. Identify who else needs to know about the issues or be involved to provide a sense of closure and enable the team to move on. 

  5. Decide what not to share. Acknowledge not everything needs to go broader. For example if your team is concerned about change, help them to see the old path will actually result in loss - to customers, the business, and to themselves.

Change is hard. Encourage your team to participate instead of pushing back. Even though they may see the uncertainty of the future as stressful, remaining in the past while the business moves on is likely to be more stressful and isolating.

As you can see Lancaster is embracing active participation, including at tiki bars. I know when I feel stressed, often a bit of puppy time helps to reground me in the positive. The next time a stressful situation occurs, bring a positive thought to mind and call upon the tips in this newsletter or previous editions. You’ve got this!